Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
