How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
