new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
