I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
