Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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