One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
