Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this just has baby written all over it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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