No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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