Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
