YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
