he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
