He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
