whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
