I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
