dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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