She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
