they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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