God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize