my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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