We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
