she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
