they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
