Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
