After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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