Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
