i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
