I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
