I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
