New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize