not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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