im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
