No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
