She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
