so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize