someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
