he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want to make out with him forever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
