FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
