somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
why is half of my head shaved?
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