who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
