There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
