I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize