well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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