Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my poor anus
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
