when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
as a side note pls kill me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
