True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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