you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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