Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
