I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize