I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
