you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
