and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
