So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
