the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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