Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
