Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize