and you said cock pushups were impossible
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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