Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
