I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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