HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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