just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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