her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
