found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
