Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
