I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
