Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
