dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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