there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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