But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
