I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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