Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize