I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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