Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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