I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
