Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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