you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
