I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
